Going to the club tonight? Want to get someone in your pants? Well, before you can do that…YOU’VE GOTTA PUT THOSE PANTS ON!
This is a dance move I created when I was seven, and perfected when I was twenty-four. A lot of people look up to me for my bust-a-groove-a-licious dance moves and can only dream of being so talented. Don’t be jealous, it’s not natural. I was created in a lab and routinely take performance enhancing drugs.
This dance is quite simple, and unless your name is Corkie you shouldn’t have a problem. The first step to becoming a dance seductress is to always pretend you’re having ‘you-know-what’. I know what you’re thinking: How can I do that while putting my pants ON? It’s simple. Don’t think of them as pants, think of them as sexy, opaque, triangular-patterned tights. Who wouldn’t be turned on????
Ready? Five, six, seven, eight, and…
Step One: Lean over your right foot, with both fists around your ankles. [Make sexy face.]
Step Two: Slide your fists up your leg as you stand up. [Make curious face.]
Step Three: Repeat on left side. [Make confused face.]
Step Four: Pretend your ass is the size of mainland China, or Kelly Osborne (whichever works for you), and wiggle into your proverbial pants. [Make embarrassed face.]
Step Five: Jump and pull your pants up around your gluteus, and button. [Make ‘I know you want this’ face.]
There. Now that I’ve finally gotten you laid, you can thank me by sending donations, flowers, Greek male performers, or heavily laced marijuana to the address listed below.
This is a dance move I created when I was seven, and perfected when I was twenty-four. A lot of people look up to me for my bust-a-groove-a-licious dance moves and can only dream of being so talented. Don’t be jealous, it’s not natural. I was created in a lab and routinely take performance enhancing drugs.
This dance is quite simple, and unless your name is Corkie you shouldn’t have a problem. The first step to becoming a dance seductress is to always pretend you’re having ‘you-know-what’. I know what you’re thinking: How can I do that while putting my pants ON? It’s simple. Don’t think of them as pants, think of them as sexy, opaque, triangular-patterned tights. Who wouldn’t be turned on????
Ready? Five, six, seven, eight, and…
Step One: Lean over your right foot, with both fists around your ankles. [Make sexy face.]
Step Two: Slide your fists up your leg as you stand up. [Make curious face.]
Step Three: Repeat on left side. [Make confused face.]
Step Four: Pretend your ass is the size of mainland China, or Kelly Osborne (whichever works for you), and wiggle into your proverbial pants. [Make embarrassed face.]
Step Five: Jump and pull your pants up around your gluteus, and button. [Make ‘I know you want this’ face.]
There. Now that I’ve finally gotten you laid, you can thank me by sending donations, flowers, Greek male performers, or heavily laced marijuana to the address listed below.
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